A year and a half ago, blogging was just something that existed in other people’s daily lives. I didn’t bother much about reading blogs either. Today I find myself jumping online every free moment to check my email for new comments, and I get myself lost in multiple blogs as I try to find out what other people like me are doing and writing about. I really do spend a lot of time with blogs these days.

• My laptop may as well be part of my legs, though I would have very hot legs all the time.
• My browser often has more tabs than it can display as I keep clicking on links to other posts and blogs. They just multiply like rabbits.
• I have LOTR syndrome. Ok, I just made that condition up. It comes from the story of my mother-in-law immersing herself in The Lord of the Rings novels and unintentionally ignoring the children.
• I know some people only by their screen name.
• I am interested in what avatar I get when a blog generates one for me.
• I stare blankly sometimes, wondering what I can blog about next.
• Instead of watching TV, I listen while reading stuff online. Then I ask hubby what happened. Again.
• I lose track of the time and only care when baby needs me, I’m hungry/thirsty/tired, or I need to pee.
• My laptop has more crumbs stuck under the keys. I can hear them crunch when I type.
• I take photos “for my blog”. I have an excess of photos now.
• I have become more creative, and more motivated to share my creativity with all you lovely folk :D

Thank you blogs, bloggers, and readers!

(Was going to take a photo for this blog, but the camera battery is dead. Another thing that blogging is to blame for. Although I admit it was my fault for plugging the glue gun in yesterday instead of the charger. Camera battery still dead but I had a super warmed up glue gun this morning.)

Like the This Little Piggy ryhme:

This little piggy went to market
This little piggy stayed home
This little piggy had roast beef
This little piggy had none
And this little piggy went “wee wee wee” all the way home.

Right, so the first piggy went to market – to be sold as meat or to get groceries?

The second piggy stayed home – ok, so it sounds like they have domestic lives and the first one only went to get vegies. Or is the second piggy being spared for another day…?

The third had roast beef – something about that doesn’t sound right for some reason. Do pigs eat cows? Did the first piggy pick up a roast from the butcher’s on his way to the market last week?

The fourth piggy sounds like he didn’t pay his share of the food bill – or the third piggy was a greedy bastard. Why are piggies eating roast beef again?

And is the fifth piggy being dragged to his home (where assumedly all the other piggies live) or to a human’s home to be slaughtered? Sounds brutal to me.

Also, they obviously couldn’t think of another word to rhyme with “home” as they had already used it in the second line.

Alas, we will still teach our children this rhyme – I know I will :)

There is a diswasher – put your dishes in it. It’s only a few centimetres from the bench top so don’t give me the excuse that you’re busy and in a hurry, just put them in there. I don’t care if you’re a senior manager – use your mouth if you don’t have opposable thumbs.

Clean the chunks off your bowl/plate. The dishwasher can only do so much, and scraping off dried porridge it does not do. Rissotto with lots of parmesan may be tasty but the left overs sitting there all afternoon is not appetising.

If you spill it, clean it up. If you use it, put it away. Cupboard doors aren’t too hard to close either.

And there always seems to be a person opening up a new bottle of milk instead of using the last of the current bottle – recycling phobia?

There is no company maid. Your mum doesn’t work with you, not that she should do clean up for you anyway. There is no mystical kitchen gnome that goes around magically cleaning up your mess.

And no, I’m not said gnome but thanks for asking.

(By the way, I forgot to mention when I first posted this that the underwear thing is from the South Park episode where they had Underpants Gnomes.)

Kitchen Gnome wishes he was stealing underwear

Lady Manager: “How’s things going? Haven’t heard any screaming lately.”

Lady Minion: “There’s been some. I’m just beavering on.”

Lady Manager: “Oh good. I like beavering.”

Not sure why this is so funny? Check out the beaver ad on YouTube, turn “beaver” into a verb and add a bit of immaturity.

Queen of doing what now!?

The display was for Mother’s Day and I can see what the intention was (because mum’s are awesome, well, most of the time).

However I’m not sure the display people saw the double meaning of the message at the time. They’ve since replaced it with another apron without any words on it. Aw, boring.

Hippy Ninja finally gets the laser cutter up and running, just in time for Vietnamese Puta's growing appetite...

Water Balloon in a G-string bites off more than he can devour

Carries no disadvantageous characteristics and does not have adverse affects on others.

The Holder Upper Type I

Always unorganised when paying for their fare, and holds others up in the process. Usually blocks the entrance while they fumble.

The Holder Upper Type II

Slow moving and often has other priorities, such as getting coffee, ahead of getting to the bus stop in time. Causes others to roll their eyes or give secret evils when the bus makes an extra stop (or an extra long stop) to wait for them.

The Glue Foot

This type refuses to move down the aisle when the bus is filling up and stands firm in oblivion.

The Glue Butt

This type won’t get off their seat to let others out. Favours the “swivel” move but dislikes being whacked in the face with a bag when the other person struggles to pass.

The Raven

… all my soul within me burning, Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before. The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe.

Quoth the Raven "Eat my shorts!" (A scene from The Simpsons - Treehouse of Horror)

The Raven type habitually taps with their finger or foot and slowly drives others insane.

The Cliff Hanger

A loner who prefers the outside edge of the seat. Does not like company but provides others with a sense of satisifaction when the Cliff Hanger must share the seat.

The Too Cool To Sit Next to You

This type insists on standing even if there are spare seats. Will immediately sit down if they have a whole seat to themselves. Is capable of providing others the same level of satisfaction as a Cliff Hanger when another person sits next to them.

The Toucher

Often has a newspaper, or other accessory that they like to rest on the head,  lap, arm or shoulder of others.

The Spreader

This type will spread themselves out, usually to discourage others to sit next to them. Some Spreaders are yet to realise they are this type, and only go as far as spreading their coat out on the seat causing awkwardness when someone sits on it.

The Tin Ears

Often heard before seen. Characteristic loud tinny beats coming from around the ear regions are an obvious mating call to other Tin Ears. Easily repels non-Tin Ears.

The Megaphone

Seems to have poor hearing and must raise their voice during communication. Commonly seen with a cellphone. Unfortunately, this type often has nothing interesting to listen to.

The Squisher

This is usually the largest of the types. Has a high level of optimism when trying to share seats with others.

The Hobbitses

The smallest of the types. Has trouble holding onto overhead railing, and drivers can’t see them exiting, but can easily squeeze past others. Often taken advantage of by Touchers and Squishers.

1. You usually can’t find shoes that fit and resort to looking in the children’s section.
2. When you do find shoes, you can wear two pairs at the same time – your own inside your husband’s.
3. Skirts end up looking like old ladies’ ones on you because they’re just that little bit too long.
4. 3/4 pants are more like 5/6 pants.
5. Any pants you own have been shortened.
6. High-waisted pants make you look like Urkel. Actually that would probably be the case anyway, regardless of height.
7. Riding a full bus can be a nightmare when the only thing to hold onto are the overhead rails – like, whatever!
8. Sitting in the back seat of the bus usually means sliding around at every corner because your feet don’t reach the floor properly.
9. You get asked for ID when buying an Instant Kiwi.
10. You can’t see squat at a show when everyone is standing.
11. Losing your friends in a crowd is too easy to do.
12. You’re the only one that stores their box of cereal in the condiments cupboard at work because there’s no way you can use the top of the cabinets like everyone else.
13. You’re the only one at work that needed the legs of their desk sawn because they couldn’t lower it anymore in the normal way.
14. Your hubby’s idea of moderating junk food is to hide the goodies on the top shelf of the pantry.
15. Your hubby needs to bend down to kiss you.
16. Your hubby uses your head as a resting post.
17. You blend in with the locals in Hong Kong (whereas your hubby causes people to walk into trees as they stare at him).
18. Hazard signs about bumping your head don’t apply to you.
19. You get told by a three year old that he’ll be as big as you soon.
20. Sitting on a bar stool makes you taller.

Bang head here - if you can