Eggshell Green

The Foolery Four #13

Tags: cupcake, Foolery Four, gangsta, puta, water balloon

Public Bus Personalities

The Neutral

Carries no disadvantageous characteristics and does not have adverse affects on others.

The Holder Upper Type I

Always unorganised when paying for their fare, and holds others up in the process. Usually blocks the entrance while they fumble.

The Holder Upper Type II

Slow moving and often has other priorities, such as getting coffee, ahead of getting to the bus stop in time. Causes others to roll their eyes or give secret evils when the bus makes an extra stop (or an extra long stop) to wait for them.

The Glue Foot

This type refuses to move down the aisle when the bus is filling up and stands firm in oblivion.

The Glue Butt

This type won’t get off their seat to let others out. Favours the “swivel” move but dislikes being whacked in the face with a bag when the other person struggles to pass.

The Raven

… all my soul within me burning, Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before. The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe.

The Raven type habitually taps with their finger or foot and slowly drives others insane.

The Cliff Hanger

A loner who prefers the outside edge of the seat. Does not like company but provides others with a sense of satisifaction when the Cliff Hanger must share the seat.

The Too Cool To Sit Next to You

This type insists on standing even if there are spare seats. Will immediately sit down if they have a whole seat to themselves. Is capable of providing others the same level of satisfaction as a Cliff Hanger when another person sits next to them.

The Toucher

Often has a newspaper, or other accessory that they like to rest on the head,  lap, arm or shoulder of others.

The Spreader

This type will spread themselves out, usually to discourage others to sit next to them. Some Spreaders are yet to realise they are this type, and only go as far as spreading their coat out on the seat causing awkwardness when someone sits on it.

The Tin Ears

Often heard before seen. Characteristic loud tinny beats coming from around the ear regions are an obvious mating call to other Tin Ears. Easily repels non-Tin Ears.

The Megaphone

Seems to have poor hearing and must raise their voice during communication. Commonly seen with a cellphone. Unfortunately, this type often has nothing interesting to listen to.

The Squisher

This is usually the largest of the types. Has a high level of optimism when trying to share seats with others.

The Hobbitses

The smallest of the types. Has trouble holding onto overhead railing, and drivers can’t see them exiting, but can easily squeeze past others. Often taken advantage of by Touchers and Squishers.

Tags: public transport

How To Tell You’re Short

Twenty ways to tell that you’re short, in no particular order:

1. You usually can’t find shoes that fit and resort to looking in the children’s section.
2. When you do find shoes, you can wear two pairs at the same time – your own inside your husband’s.
3. Skirts end up looking like old ladies’ ones on you because they’re just that little bit too long.
4. 3/4 pants are more like 5/6 pants.
5. Any pants you own have been shortened.
6. High-waisted pants make you look like Urkel. Actually that would probably be the case anyway, regardless of height.
7. Riding a full bus can be a nightmare when the only thing to hold onto are the overhead rails – like, whatever!
8. Sitting in the back seat of the bus usually means sliding around at every corner because your feet don’t reach the floor properly.
9. You get asked for ID when buying an Instant Kiwi.
10. You can’t see squat at a show when everyone is standing.
11. Losing your friends in a crowd is too easy to do.
12. You’re the only one that stores their box of cereal in the condiments cupboard at work because there’s no way you can use the top of the cabinets like everyone else.
13. You’re the only one at work that needed the legs of their desk sawn because they couldn’t lower it anymore in the normal way.
14. Your hubby’s idea of moderating junk food is to hide the goodies on the top shelf of the pantry.
15. Your hubby needs to bend down to kiss you.
16. Your hubby uses your head as a resting post.
17. You blend in with the locals in Hong Kong (whereas your hubby causes people to walk into trees as they stare at him).
18. Hazard signs about bumping your head don’t apply to you.
19. You get told by a three year old that he’ll be as big as you soon.
20. Sitting on a bar stool makes you taller.

The Foolery Four #12

Tags: comic, Foolery Four, geek, laser, laser cutter, nerd, ninja